It might not be obvious that your partner is your equal. You and your partner may be from different socio-economic backgrounds, have different levels of education and experiences, different ways you were brought up and different genders, but you are equal psychologically. Otherwise, you wouldn’t stay with each other. Understanding the reality of partner equality will help you understand how to save your relationship.
For example: My husband and I used to have fights over whose family was superior. Now we see the parallels, the similarities, even though on the surface our two families don’t appear to be the same at all. We understand what it is to have fathers who suffered from low self-esteem, even though my father was an extrovert and my husband’s father an introvert. We understand what it is to “not be seen” in our families, even though I was the golden child and my husband was the black sheep. We both struggle with being dependent on others to approve of us, even though from the outside looking in, our childhood experiences — of doing no wrong and doing no right — were very different.
Be curious and become a sleuth as you study your relationship. Consider this sentence: “My partner and I have compassion for each other because we both experienced… in different ways, etc.”
When you’re tempted to say, “My partner is so different from me. Look at his/her…” Say this instead, “My partner is so much like me….” I’d love to hear from you how this partner equality awareness is changing your relationship. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org