The definition of emotional vulnerability in a relationship is not knowing whether you’ll get something you want. It’s daring to love without guarantees. There are no certainties in life. So, why would there be any in marriage? If you are a person who demands guarantees, the answer is NO to the question, “How to save my relationship?”
Inherent in a monogamous relationship is vulnerability. Why? Because maybe your partner will leave you. Maybe you will stop loving him/her. Assurances in the future do not exist.
If you’re not willing to take one risk after another, to reach out and be rejected by your partner, to try something new that fails, you will not be able to expand your desires and passions. Taking chances by using your creative imagination is exactly what is required in order to nurture a successful long-term relationship. Success and failure are intertwined. Success is the result of not being afraid to fail. Daring to fail is how to save a relationship.
Here’s an example: When my husband and I used to have sex, we weren’t willing to take the risk of talking very much in case we offended each other and ruined the mood. Now we start and stop sex, share ideas, and tell each other what we like and don’t like. Our willingness to be more vulnerable has enhanced our sex life.
The courageous challenge is not how to save your relationship, but how to be more vulnerable in order to have a deeper relationship.
Do a Quick-Write for 2 minutes using this sentence completion: “I feel emotionally vulnerable when I…” The more you can tolerate being emotionally vulnerable, the more inner strength you’ll gain. (NB: Emotional and physical vulnerability are very different. If you feel physically threatened by your partner in any way, seek professional help immediately.)
Check out the marriage cartoon: there are no assurances in love.
My name is Melissa Smith Baker. I am a relationship teacher, author, and speaker. My
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