Sex is a misunderstood and taboo topic, even in our overly sexualized and liberal society. I often can’t include the word sex in my course descriptions where I teach. Most therapists, unless they are trained as sex specialists, don’t deal with the topic of sex in couples counseling.
Talking about sex, unless it’s in base and crude ways, is off-limits in the majority of conversations. People mostly joke about sex. At a comedy clubs, every routine is overtly about sex or had sexual innuendos. People can make fun of it, but can they create their own fun and fulfilling sex life? It IS a way to save your relationship.
Are you having a sexually satisfying life with your partner? If not, are you exploring all three ways that humans have sex?
- Trance: You play out a fantasy in your mind, either on your own or with your partner. You go into a trancelike state.
- Partner Engagement: You talk. You and your partner look into each other’s eyes and maybe have wide-open-eye-to-eye orgasms.
- Role Playing: You and/or your partner pretend that you are gods and goddesses, movie stars, or whatever else turns you on. You dress up in costumes and/or create a script.
Integrate all of the above to save your relationship and create an out-of-this-world sexual encounter.
Remember this: No one way – trance, partner engagement, or role playing — is better than the other, but most of us tend to get stuck in one or two ways and don’t vary our sexual repertoire.
The longer you’re with your partner, the more you have to be creative in the bedroom.
That might mean digging into your dress-up drawer and putting on those thigh highs, your boa, stilettos and strutting what you’ve got for yourself and your partner. Don’t forget that sex has many moods from serious to fun.
Play hide-and-seek, but don’t tell your partner that’s the game you’re playing. Blindfold your partner in the bathroom with the lights on. Tell him/her to not remove the blindfold and not to come out of the bathroom until he/she’s counted slowly to 100. That should give you enough time to put the directions on the bathroom floor, close the door, get naked, turn off all the lights in your house, and get yourself to your hiding spot. On the note you’ve left for your partner, it might say: “Get naked, turn off the light in the bathroom, and come and get me anywhere inside of the house. No fair turning on any lights.” What you do after the game is over is up to you! Enjoy!
Is this marriage cartoon a little close to home?
My name is Melissa Smith Baker. I am a relationship teacher, author, and speaker. My
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