Loving For Keeps

A blog by Melissa Smith Baker

  • Home
  • About Loving For Keeps
    • About Loving For Keeps
    • About Melissa Smith Baker
  • Books
  • Class Info
    • Class Choices
    • Upcoming Classes
    • Private Classes
    • Description
    • FAQs
    • Recharge Getaway
  • Speaking
  • Testimonials
  • Blog
  • Contact

Take Care Of Yourself

April 13, 2013 By Melissa Leave a Comment

As I’ve said before, my definition of being codependent is when you’re not taking care of yourself. All people have times of codependence on some level at varying times in their lives. Look at the list below to help you assess where you stand as a codependent and begin to save your relationship. I’ve modified two lists that CODA (Codependents Anonymous) hands out.

Loving For Keeps marriage cartoon – how to save my relationship: honest truthYou are not taking care of yourself when —

Patterns of Denial

You can’t connect to your feelings.
You deny, change, or denigrate what you feel.
You think that you’re unselfish, devoted to the wellbeing of your partner.

Patterns of Low Self-Esteem

You can’t make decisions.
You judge yourself as not being good enough.
You don’t want to be praised or recognized.
You don’t want to express your needs or desires.
You value your partner’s opinions about you over what you think about yourself.
You don’t think you’re a lovable or worthwhile human being.

Patterns of Compliance

You compromise your own values and integrity to avoid anger or rejection from your partner.
You are so sensitive to your partner’s feelings that you take on his/her feelings as your own.
You are too loyal to your partner even when you are in danger.
You are afraid to express your feelings because they might be different and not approved of.
You do what your partner wants you to do instead of doing what you’d like to do.
You want love but you’ll accept sex without love.

Patterns of Control

You think your partner can’t take care of him/herself.
You tell your partner what he/she needs, thinks or feels.
You get resentful when your partner won’t let you help him or her.
You give your partner advice without being asked because you know better.
You go overboard with gifts to your partner
You use sex to get approval.
You have to be needed to have a relationship with your partner.

You can change any of the above descriptions of codependence, if you recognize it’s responsible for wreaking havoc in your life.

Pick one of the above statements that resonates with you.
Then add “because” to the ending. For example, I think my partner can’t take care of him or herself because… Do a Quick-Write with this sentence completion. Set your timer for 2 minutes and see what is revealed to you through your writing.

Check out my next blog to know what your life looks like when you ARE taking care of yourself.

Here’s the groundbreaking book, Codependent No More, that’s a must-read about codependence. You can read my review and buy it here.

Filed Under: Loving For Keeps Blog Tagged With: Personal Growth, Self Care

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Sign up for my Newsletter

When you sign up for my newsletter, you receive a PDF that will help you with Le Budget Envelope Game.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Connect with Melissa

Connect with Melissa

Books by Melissa

Share This Page ~

Share on Facebook
Facebook
Tweet about this on Twitter
Twitter
Share on LinkedIn
Linkedin
Pin on Pinterest
Pinterest
Email this to someone
email
Share on StumbleUpon
StumbleUpon
Print this page
Print

Want a vibrant and happy relationship?

You can have it!Find the passion in your marriage with Melissa Smith Baker My name is Melissa Smith Baker. I am a relationship teacher, author, and speaker. My blogs, newsletters, books, classes, and talks use humor and real-life examples to illustrate the challenges inherent in every long-term relationship. Since 2002 I have helped transform thousands of relationships, including my own. And I can help you, too.

“When you apply the concepts that Melissa presents in an engaging way, they actually work!”
~ Mary Disharoon, MFT

Relationship Topics

Anxiety & Stress Commitment Freedom and Connection Intimacy Love Money Personal Growth Relationship Dynamics Self Care Sex and Desire

© 2019 Loving For Keeps | Privacy Policy | Site Map | Admin