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2 Habits That Will Hurt Your Marriage

June 28, 2012 By Melissa Leave a Comment

If you keep asking, “How can I save my relationship?” the answer is: Stop these 2 habits:

Habit #1: Stop attempting to change your partner.

Loving For Keeps cartoon - shortcomings Trying to change your partner only alleviates the pressure for you to change, which means that neither one of you will. Your marriage cannot improve f there is no change.

Example: My husband didn’t like the way I loaded the dishwasher; it wasn’t systematic enough. He used to get upset, since he thought only his way was the right way. Now instead of badgering me, he realizes that two ways of leading the dishwasher can co-exist in one household. He does the dishes his way, and I do them my way. It was impossible and unnecessary to agree to an “our way”. Stopping habit number one is how to save a relationship.

Habit #2: Stop thinking that you have to be in agreement with your partner most of the time.

One half to two-thirds of the time you won’t be, and that’s healthy. Surprisingly enough, thriving relationships aren’t harmonious more than 50% of the time. When you don’t agree with your spouse, it’s normal. Cultivate getting used to being out of sync. Use this time in effective, positive ways to take care of yourself.

Example: I used to sit around and mope when my husband and I weren’t on the same wave length. “Why aren’t we lovely-dovey more of the time” I’d ask myself. Now, I understand that connections and disconnections are both vital parts of a successful marriage.

Are you willing to put a Stop to these habits that are not serving your marriage? If so, you’ll find a way to resolve how to save your relationship.

Try this:
For one whole day, catch yourself when you’re trying to change your partner and convince him/her to agree with you. These 2 Stops are steps to self-mastery that are guaranteed to improve your relationship.

How did this work for you?

Filed Under: Loving For Keeps Blog Tagged With: Personal Growth

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Want a vibrant and happy relationship?

You can have it!Find the passion in your marriage with Melissa Smith Baker My name is Melissa Smith Baker. I am a relationship teacher, author, and speaker. My blogs, newsletters, books, classes, and talks use humor and real-life examples to illustrate the challenges inherent in every long-term relationship. Since 2002 I have helped transform thousands of relationships, including my own. And I can help you, too.

“When you apply the concepts that Melissa presents in an engaging way, they actually work!”
~ Mary Disharoon, MFT

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