The million dollar question is: Can you have fantastic sex in a long-term committed relationship? With the predictability of a partner you’ve known for years, can there still be surprise? Is it possible to reconcile your longing for reliability and adventure in a monogamous relationship? Yes! Yes! Yes! Sex and relationship together are what save a relationship.
Sex toys and lingerie are not enough to change your relationship, but changing your understanding about the coexistence of sex and relationship will. Sex and an intimate relationship are not an oxymoron. They are not mutually exclusive as you have been led to believe by therapists and the media.
Unfortunately, couples’ therapy is usually divided into relationship and sex therapy. Most therapists specialize in one or the other. And, the media perpetuate the myth that juicy sex can only be part of the initial stages of falling in love and illicit affairs.
The choice of sex or a relationship has made people think that they have to pick – either great sex and not a great relationship OR a great relationship and not great sex. But, you can wrap up great sex and great relationship into one big luscious present. It’s possible, but you’ll have to take action.
You can have both if you understand that sex in a long-term relationship invites you to cultivate anticipation, creativity, imagination, playfulness, and novelty. How do you do that? You have to dare to try, and you won’t take the risk if you can’t manage your anxieties. (Click here to read my blogs on stress) You won’t explore and research ways to have better sex and more fun unless you confront your fears of rejection, failure, and humiliation.
Can you stop your tendencies to separate sex and relationship, desire and love, wanting and having? Some people enjoy a relationship and miss out on sex. Others who explore sex miss out on relationship. When you meld the two together and no longer believe in the duality of sex over relationship or vice versa, it’s mind-blowing. It’s a privilege being involved in a long, maturing monogamous relationship where you can have the best sex of your life.