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Self-Esteem In A Relationship

July 28, 2012 By Melissa Leave a Comment

Loving For Keeps cartoon - beauty regimenEveryone deals with varying levels of self-worth. That’s part of the human equation. So, how can you cultivate genuine self-esteem in order to answer your question: “How to save my relationship?” What you have to do is this: Emotionally grow up!

  1. When your partner criticizes you and wants you to change, resist feeling devastated. Your inner strength comes through your own acceptance that you are worthy of growth and development.
  2. Don’t entertain thoughts that you are worthless or that your life’s goals aren’t worth thinking about or pursuing. These self-indulgent thoughts don’t allow room for ever-expanding self-esteem, which is a vital component in a thriving marriage. If you don’t succumb to negativity, you’ll be learning how to save a relationship.

click on cartoon to view larger image

Be careful of this major pitfall: Arrogance, self-righteousness, and over self -confidence often masquerade as self-esteem. Real self-esteem has nothing to do with superiority or narcissism. You don’t get self-esteem from people praising you and telling you how great you are. Low or high self-esteem is how you feel about yourself regardless of what your outer world is telling you. People who fail in their endeavors can have as much or greater self-esteem than those who succeed. Movie stars, our greatest idols, are a case in point.

The paradox of self-esteem is this:
If you dislike yourself, chances are you won’t do anything to change because you won’t feel that you’re worth it. You can only change and become more of who you are when you accept who you are.

As you gain greater self-esteem by growing, loving, and respecting yourself, how you feel about your actions will pave the way to how to save your relationship.

What do you do when you are criticized by your partner?
Instead of reacting defensively, try to see a kernel that is true about what your partner told you. For example: If your partner criticizes you about being too busy, admit that you are at times. Ask yourself whether or not being busy serves you or others. Sometimes it might; other times it might not.

I’m taking a poll about self-esteem. Please use the comment space below to indicate where you have higher self-esteem — at home or at work.

If you think your partner will only accept you if you’re perfect, check out the marriage cartoon!

Filed Under: Loving For Keeps Blog Tagged With: Personal Growth

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Want a vibrant and happy relationship?

You can have it!Find the passion in your marriage with Melissa Smith Baker My name is Melissa Smith Baker. I am a relationship teacher, author, and speaker. My blogs, newsletters, books, classes, and talks use humor and real-life examples to illustrate the challenges inherent in every long-term relationship. Since 2002 I have helped transform thousands of relationships, including my own. And I can help you, too.

“When you apply the concepts that Melissa presents in an engaging way, they actually work!”
~ Mary Disharoon, MFT

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