Redefining Love

Read this poem —

You and I
have so much love
that it
burns like a fire
in which we bake a lump of clay
molded into a figure of you
and a figure of me.
Then we take both of them.
and break them into pieces
and mix the pieces with water
and mold again a figure of you
and a figure of me.
I am in your clay.
You are in my clay.
In life we share a single quilt.
In death we will share one coffin.

Kuan Tao-Sheng – 1262 to 1319

Close your eyes. Take a moment to reflect.
What are your thoughts and feelings about this ancient poem?

Jot them down on a piece of paper before you continue reading the rest of this blog.

Here’s the above poem rewritten –

Married Love

I have so much love for you.
You have so much love for me
that it
burns like a fire,
in which I bake my lump of clay,
molded into a figure of me
and you bake a lump of clay,
molded into a figure of you.
Then we take both of our figures,
each one of us making our separate figures
more beautiful.
I am I.
You are you.
In life we never share a single quilt.
I have my own and you have yours.
In death we will never share one coffin.
I have my own and you have yours.
Side by side we will be buried,
because the only way to be happy
is to know we are two individuals,
coming together, living in the container of a sauté pan,
loving ourselves.
Only then can we love each other forever.

~ Melissa Smith Baker (born 1952)
.
If you think that the depiction in the first poem reflects your own thoughts on love and marriage, happiness will continue to elude you. I’m not dismissing your longings and yearnings; but, to demythologize your belief system, you must let go of one of the deadliest myths — that of becoming one with your partner. This is not what you want to aspire to in a marriage because it’s impossible. It’s true that you are “one” because you and your partner are human, but you and your partner are always two distinct individuals. Loving detachment is true love and will teach you how to save your relationship.

Love is many things. The humor in this marriage cartoon zeroes in on the paradox: Eating to “love” or “loving” to eat. Where are you?