“How to save my relationship?” you ask. Answer: You can’t have a long-term relationship without feeling the following emotions:
Feeling at ease – This is what you’re looking for when you date. You’re trying to find someone who can make you feel at ease, because being in the world ain’t easy.
Feeling elated – This is the honeymoon euphoria. Once you’ve found that right person, your conversations are about connection and validation. Everything feels right; nothing is wrong.
Feeling anxious – Anxiety builds as you start to have arguments. Your partner made you feel great. So, it must be his/her fault that you don’t feel great now.
Feeling compromised – In an attempt to release the tension that’s been building, you want to return to the “honeymoon”. You start compromising yourself to be more acceptable to your partner. This is not how to save a relationship, but you think it is.
Feeling constrained – Topics of conversation become contentious. Both of you resort to fighting and/or withdrawing.
Feeling stuck – You can’t adapt to your partner any longer. You feel depleted. You are despairing.
Feeling squeezed and suffocated – This is the time of going through the eye of the needle. You’re not sure you can make it through to the other side.
Feeling free and intimate – You’ll never be free unless you can self-reflect and self-confront. You can only come through the BIG SQUEEZE by becoming more whole and more full as a person.
It might take a few moments or days or many decades to get to this point, but this is how relationships evolve. Your relationship is normal. My husband and I used to think that something was wrong with our marriage since we had these feelings. We still have these roller coaster feelings, but now we know that these emotions are part of the relationship ride.
Even though you have to go through feeling squeezed and suffocated and face the dark nights of the soul on your own, you can do it while staying in your relationship. It’s worthwhile understanding how to save your relationship because it has helped propel you to intimacy and freedom.
Be aware of how this circle of emotions can play out within a few minutes! From feeling at ease to feeling squeezed, there’s a fluid swish back and forth. Emotions are not static and you cannot arrive at any one place and stay there for long.
You need to know how relationships work before you get married. Otherwise, your chances for long-term success are very slim. Click here to set up some classes.
My name is Melissa Smith Baker. I am a relationship teacher, author, and speaker. My
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