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Consciously Choosing Your Partner

September 14, 2012 By Melissa Leave a Comment

When couples talk about sexual desire, they are really talking about what it is to want and to be wanted. Do you feel wanted? Do you want your partner? These answers will help you learn how to answer your question: “How to save my relationship?”

Choosing your partner means wanting him/her, embracing the vulnerability of a monogamous choice, consciously saying “I want YOU!” on a regular basis, not just on your wedding day and honeymoon. Even if you’ve been in a committed relationship for 30 years, you may not be consciously choosing your partner.

Loving For Keeps marriage cartoon – how to save a relationship: fear of commitmentIn the movie, Hope Springs, Meryl Streep says to Tommy Lee Jones, her husband, that she wants him to make love to her with his eyes wide open. She wants him to not just want to have sex, but want to have sex with her. Wanting is very personal.

Desire often falls by the wayside in the midst of working and raising families. Even though couples feel the loss of wanting each other, they’re willing to sublimate their feelings in order to protect themselves from the pain of not getting. People don’t want to want and not get. Not wanting is a coping mechanism, but not a positive one. To rekindle the spark, couples will have to consciously want themselves and each other. This is how to save a relationship.

In a long-lived relationship, biological drive isn’t enough for a satisfying sex life. Orgasms are wonderful, but more is required in the long-run. What’s essential is cultivating who you are and becoming less self-protected. Only then, as a full and complete person, will you be able to bring YOU into the bedroom and choose your partner. A relationship doesn’t thrive unless both of you choose yourselves and each other – over and over again. Consciously choosing is how to save your relationship and the key to intimate sex.

How have you consciously chosen or not chosen your partner?
Just because you’re married doesn’t automatically mean that you’ve chosen your partner. Remember — you can’t choose your partner unless you choose yourself first.

If you’ve been married for a long time, you’ll enjoy Hope Springs, a beautiful and refreshingly realistic movie.

My next blog is about eyes wide open sex.

Filed Under: Loving For Keeps Blog Tagged With: Commitment

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Want a vibrant and happy relationship?

You can have it!Find the passion in your marriage with Melissa Smith Baker My name is Melissa Smith Baker. I am a relationship teacher, author, and speaker. My blogs, newsletters, books, classes, and talks use humor and real-life examples to illustrate the challenges inherent in every long-term relationship. Since 2002 I have helped transform thousands of relationships, including my own. And I can help you, too.

“When you apply the concepts that Melissa presents in an engaging way, they actually work!”
~ Mary Disharoon, MFT

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