“How to save my relationship?’ may be your question. Understanding the ebb and flow of passion in your long-term relationship is the answer.
You are a human being, developing and changing cognitively, emotionally, and physically. Being conscious of the reality that you are human is not as obvious as you might think.
Humans want to be and do everything, like cartoon characters who are not limited by time and space. These unrealistic expectations lead us down the road of disappointment and do not lead us to how to save a relationship.
A cartoon character is flat and stereotypic and can be passionate all of the time. You are multi-faceted and cannot do the same thing all of the time. A super hero doesn’t have to sleep or eat. You do. When you want to create the perfect romantic scenario, it doesn’t always work as planned; sometimes it’s better and sometimes worse. In real life, you can’t count on consistency, infallibility, predictability, and perfection.
What’s important is knowing that you are human – no more, no less. Intense passion is only one of the many expressions of your full-spectrum human palette. Sometimes your love life in a long-term relationship will be tired and lazy, and other times your experiences will be off-the-charts hot. Can you embrace all of these expressions so long as you get to taste some of everything along the cycle and don’t stay stuck in the same old repetitive rut?
You might think that having wild, passionate sex all of the time would be the magic cure for your humdrum relationship, but it wouldn’t be for long. Boredom would set in. When the same-old-same-old hits, even if it’s passion, you’ll have to access more of your multi-dimensional humanness to get balanced. This sampling of the smorgasbord of life is how to save your relationship and keep it exciting.
Set your timer for 2 minutes and do a Quick Write* answering that question. Make a long list of human characteristics. When you’re done, go over what you have written. Are all the attributes that you’ve listed human or are they sub or super human?
*For details on how to do a Quick Write, click here.
If you think you have to live life on HIGH all of the time, you’ll burn out, become OCD, and/or get addicted to drugs, alcohol or sex. Appreciate the gamut of human expressions.
Can you relate to this marriage cartoon?
My name is Melissa Smith Baker. I am a relationship teacher, author, and speaker. My
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