Making Decisions

Many of us feel uncomfortable making decisions because we try to avoid the responsibility that ultimately comes with whatever we have chosen. Being decision-adverse, however, makes us dishonest in our communication, affects the quality of our marriage, and will not provide the answer to the question: “How to save my relationship?”

Why do we dislike decisions so much? Decisions are always choices between one anxiety over another; doing something or not doing something: gaining and losing something – either path being filled with fears, pros and cons, consequences, and no guarantees. We think it would be a relief to finally make a decision – but can we live with what we’ve chosen with no regrets? The answer is: there’s always loss, and that’s what we can’t stand. There’s a price to pay, financially and/or emotionally, for every choice we make, be it large or small.

The reality about choice-making is this – there is no way to eliminate the uneasiness between two alternatives. Everyone wants more than one choice, but we only really get one. We’re only kidding ourselves if we think we can have two choices at once. If we don’t know how to save a relationship by making decisions, we might lose it.

Here's how a choice dilemma might play out in monogamy

Clandestine affairs mean that you don’t want to give up your spouse and make the permanent leap into someone else’s bed. You want them both. You falsely believe that you can have the best of both the married and single world, while in fact, you have neither. Why? Because you refuse to confront your fear of making a choice. If you leave your partner, will you be assured that this new love will fulfill your hopes and dreams? You aren’t willing to take the risk of losing your spouse, lover, or both. You are in the heart of a dilemma where no alternative is acceptable to you.

Making decisions is ultimately about the realization that you can’t have everything all at once, but you can be a person of integrity as you make one difficult choice at a time.

If you have too much stress around making decisions, read my blog about anxieties. If you can’t handle your stress, you won’t be able to make decisions effectively and easily.

Is this marriage cartoon accurate?