Loving For Keeps

A blog by Melissa Smith Baker

  • Home
  • About Loving For Keeps
    • About Loving For Keeps
    • About Melissa Smith Baker
  • Books
  • Class Info
    • Class Choices
    • Upcoming Classes
    • Private Classes
    • Description
    • FAQs
    • Recharge Getaway
  • Speaking
  • Testimonials
  • Blog
  • Contact

Redefine Intimacy

July 13, 2012 By Melissa Leave a Comment

Passion in marriage can improve if you understand what intimacy means. Your lament, “How to save my relationship?” has many answers. Here’s one about intimacy.

Is intimacy unconditional love for or from your partner? Is intimacy being understood, emotionally supported, and getting a response from your partner that validates and affirms you? Does intimacy come about because you communicate or negotiate well, have lots of sex, or have learned relationship techniques? The answers to all of these questions are a resounding NO!

Loving For Keeps cartoon - infatuation phase is over

In a long-term relationship, intimacy develops through challenges and conflicts that cultivate your ability to say who you are to your partner with no guarantees or assurances that your partner will still love and want you.

Many couples feel that their honeymoon phase is when they feel the most intimate with their partner. Actually, “the honeymoon” is when a couple feels the most reciprocal affirmation and validation. Even though it feels euphoric and is an essential developmental stage, the deep intimacy of a long-lived marriage is unsurpassed — if you can muster up courage to learn how to save a relationship.

If you are afraid to be vulnerable, you will protect yourself by waiting for your partner to make the first move, or by emotionally distancing yourself, or by withholding your love. You won’t dare to express who you are or who you want to become. Consequently, you will remain hidden to your partner and to yourself. This inexpressive stance will not further passion in marriage.

The dictionary definition of being intimate is — expressing what is innermost about you. How can you do that? Only by being brave enough to take the steps to express yourself in the face of not knowing whether or not you’ll be rejected or accepted. This isn’t easy, but it’s absolutely necessary if you want to keep growing and understanding how to save your relationship.

Are you ready for more intimacy?
Answer these 2 questions: Are you waiting for your partner to make the first move to advance your relationship forward? Are you withholding love? If you say YES to either of these, do a Quick-Write asking yourself why. Set the timer for 2 minutes. You’ll probably realize that intimacy has a lot more to do with you than it does between you and your partner.

I had to redefine lots of relationships concepts. Intimacy and desire are not what I thought they were. Now I conceive of them in brand new ways that shed light not darkness on my relationship.

Does this marriage cartoon sound familiar?

Filed Under: Loving For Keeps Blog Tagged With: Intimacy

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Sign up for my Newsletter

When you sign up for my newsletter, you receive a PDF that will help you with Le Budget Envelope Game.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Connect with Melissa

Connect with Melissa

Books by Melissa

Share This Page ~

Share on Facebook
Facebook
Tweet about this on Twitter
Twitter
Share on LinkedIn
Linkedin
Pin on Pinterest
Pinterest
Email this to someone
email
Share on StumbleUpon
StumbleUpon
Print this page
Print

Want a vibrant and happy relationship?

You can have it!Find the passion in your marriage with Melissa Smith Baker My name is Melissa Smith Baker. I am a relationship teacher, author, and speaker. My blogs, newsletters, books, classes, and talks use humor and real-life examples to illustrate the challenges inherent in every long-term relationship. Since 2002 I have helped transform thousands of relationships, including my own. And I can help you, too.

“When you apply the concepts that Melissa presents in an engaging way, they actually work!”
~ Mary Disharoon, MFT

Relationship Topics

Anxiety & Stress Commitment Freedom and Connection Intimacy Love Money Personal Growth Relationship Dynamics Self Care Sex and Desire

© 2019 Loving For Keeps | Privacy Policy | Site Map | Admin