Everyone is extremely busy. Why? People say they want to be heard and seen, but do they? That would mean they’d have to open themselves to intimacy, not anonymity.
Facebook has an oxymoronic name since it has nothing to do with seeing anyone face-to-face. It thrives on facsimiles and personas. Couples are adversely being impacted by this world of social media. They are losing the capacity to be with each other, one-on-one. If you are shouting, “How to save my relationship?” direct contact is the only answer.
Nowadays most couples don’t eat meals together on a daily basis. Obviously, they don’t cook together. People are spending countless hours a day by themselves in front of screens. It’s a crazy life, but what are you to do?
To bring some sanity into your life, here’s a suggestion for a daily practice –
A superwoman friend of mine, who is a top executive, sits on four boards, coaches tennis, has three children, and raises Dobermans as show dogs, told me her marriage secret. Every day when she and her husband are apart, as soon as they think of something they’d like to share with each other, they resist the temptation to email or use their cells. Instead, they jot down on a piece of paper what they’d like to SAY to each other in person. Throughout the day, they collect and hide notes in their pockets, a briefcase or a purse. Every night, even if it’s not until midnight, before they go to bed, they read their notes to each other and talk about them.
Just imagine what these notes might be about: Maybe about the color of the foliage reminding them of when they first met. Maybe about a conversation they had with one of their kids that afternoon. Maybe about an article they read on local politics or a book or movie review.
You and your partner could do the same to ensure that face-to-face time happens. If you don’t think you have the time to do this or something like it, then ask yourself why not? Is your life so busy because you’re trying to avoid a connection to yourself and to your partner?
Modern technology is forcing humans to become like robots. For the moment, we still are 100% human, and we need daily contact with each other, especially our mates. Don’t be seduced by everything that is high tech and gimmicky.
If you are afraid to be seen and heard, you will not be able to foster connection in your life. Intimacy is how to save your relationship. This marriage cartoon illustrates that reading about intimacy isn’t the same as experiencing it. Stop hiding behind your busyness.
All you and your partner have to do is get into the habit of writing down your messages and promising each other not to go to sleep before sharing your notes. It’ll become a relationship-enhancing routine. Don’t wait until the mood is conducive for direct contact. Create the mood by talking and sharing each and every day, even if it’s only for 5 minutes.
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