What makes your partner attractive to you? Is it really his or her physical beauty? The media keep telling us that attraction is about being young, thin, in good shape, etc. We think that we have to look a certain way in order to be sexy and our partner does, too. But most of us don’t fit the criteria. Since we don’t meet the beauty requirements, does that mean we can’t have a thriving long-term relationship?
Physical beauty is ephemeral. It can’t be your capital in a long-term relationship. If your partner was the hottest when you first met at 30, you can be sure she or he can’t sustain that position at the age of 60. If you’re relying on looks — yours or your partner’s — to hold together your relationship, you’re playing a losing game.
It’s what’s underneath that counts
What makes your partner attractive is not really physical attractiveness at all — it’s how he or she responds to life and to YOU. Is he funny? Is she creative? Does he have a special je ne sais quoi? Does she have vim and vigor?
Do beautiful people have better relationships?
Research indicates that the likelihood you will have a healthy and vibrant relationship is much greater as an average-looking person. The average person doesn’t depend on the outer self to define the inner self to the same extent as someone who is beautiful. This means that the average woman or man has a greater chance of having a stronger sense of self that can cope with the vicissitudes of life and face the challenges of aging with more grace.
It’s actually an advantage having average looks because a long-term relationship can’t thrive unless you are capable of cultivating a sense of self. Your average looks can help you get there.
Here are other blogs on self-esteem and a positive body image:
My name is Melissa Smith Baker. I am a relationship teacher, author, and speaker. My
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