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Be Aware of Your Communication

May 1, 2012 By Melissa Leave a Comment

Are you frustrated about poor communication – or lack of communication – in your relationship? Are you asking yourself, “Do I need better communication skills to learn how to save my relationship?”

cartoon on communication with your partnerYou may think that you need more communication skills, but you already have them. Actually, you and your partner are communicating very well right now via words, actions, body language, intonation – even silence. You may not like what you are getting from your partner but the communication is there — loud and clear. Think about what you communicated today. Happiness? Resentment?

When you’re looking for ways to improve your relationship, don’t settle for memorizing lists of communication tips and idealized conversations. You won’t remember these in the heat of your next argument anyway. These won’t be the way to learn how to save a relationship.

What’s important is defining what communication is. Is your definition of good couples’ communication getting a response that you want and bad communication getting a response that you don’t want? If so, your relationship will look good on the outside but suffer on the inside.

The best communication in marriage is congruity from the inside out, being conscious of what you’re transmitting and understanding what you’re receiving. The illusory perfect response in just the “right” communication is not the ideal because it’s not real. You’ll only be able to know how to save your relationship if you get real.

In the next 24 hours, be aware of how you are communicating with your partner
Don’t try and change anything, just pay attention to the words you use, how you convey them, and your body language – even silence if you’d rather not talk. You have communication skills, but are you aware of what you are communicating?

This marriage cartoon is spot-on about communication; is it only what we want to hear? Read the caption on this blog – it says it all! (You can click on the cartoon to enlarge it).

Filed Under: Loving For Keeps Blog Tagged With: Personal Growth

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Want a vibrant and happy relationship?

You can have it!Find the passion in your marriage with Melissa Smith Baker My name is Melissa Smith Baker. I am a relationship teacher, author, and speaker. My blogs, newsletters, books, classes, and talks use humor and real-life examples to illustrate the challenges inherent in every long-term relationship. Since 2002 I have helped transform thousands of relationships, including my own. And I can help you, too.

“When you apply the concepts that Melissa presents in an engaging way, they actually work!”
~ Mary Disharoon, MFT

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