Most people believe in soul mates.
No matter the spiritual, religious, or secular belief system, humans invariably ask the same questions about relationships: How do I know I’ve found the right partner? How can I be sure that I’m with THE ONE, the one and only for me? Am I with Mr. Right? Or is she Ms. Wrong?
Couples contemplate these questions, whether they’re old or young, at the beginning of their relationships, or even after 30 years of being together.
Perhaps the soul mate myth is an attempt to understand the mystery of two people falling in love. Unfortunately, there’s no formula to determine the chemistry and long-term compatibility of any couple. Some of the most unlikely duos have prospered and endured, while other pairs with shared interests, culture, and backgrounds have floundered, crashed, and burned.
The soul mate notion is tricky to disabuse yourself of. You have to be vigilant because this myth is perpetuated in novels and the media cross-culturally.
Contrary to popular belief, soul mates are not found; they are made. If you’ve been with the same partner for a long time, then chances are you’ve already chosen Mr. or Ms. Right, but you may have lost sight of it because of the natural forces working inside your long-term relationship.
If you did a poll of divorced couples, you’d discover that many of them thought they were “soul mates” in the beginning of their relationship. Being soul mates did not prevent them from being unhappy or getting divorced, and it will not stop that from happening to you, either.
Setting yourself free from the burden of the soul mate myth is important to your relationship’s longevity and happiness.
Busting the soul mate myth allows you to begin to see the real you and to see the real person that is your partner. And, surprisingly, once you unburden yourself, both you and your partner can become true “soul mates,” to yourselves and to each other. You are your own soul mate, the one you’ve been looking for, and your partner is the one you have been hoping to find. In this way, soul mates are created, capable of facing the trials, tribulations, and jubilations of a long-term relationship while sharing a deeply connected intimacy along the way. What could be more fulfilling?
What does a soul mate mean to me? Does it mean you’re never disappointed with your partner? Does it mean your partner always says the right thing at the right time? Does it mean your partner can read your mind and anticipate your needs? What you believe about the soul mate question is crucial to your long-term relationship happiness.
My name is Melissa Smith Baker. I am a relationship teacher, author, and speaker. My
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