Autonomy and connection are two forces that play tug-of-war in your relationship. How much do you want to be alone, make your own decisions, lead your own life? And, how much do you want to be connected, plan and do things with your partner? If you can balance these two forces, you’ll know how to save your relationship.
The interplay between freedom and connection is what runs your life and everybody’s life. It’s at the core of every relationship. You want to chart your own life and also be connected.
The questions are: Are these two desires — autonomy and connection – mutually exclusive? Are you either doing your own thing or feeling that you have to give up who you are to be with your partner?
It is possible to be with someone you love and who is important in your life and still be YOU, if you emotionally grow up and learn how to save a relationship.
Most people haven’t had a history of success in this arena of mediating autonomy and connection. Could you be your true self in your family when you were growing up? You may have left parents to get away to be who you wanted to become. Does that mean you have to forego a partner in order to be yourself? You can’t live with them and can’t live without them.
When these two forces of freedom and connection are in a balance that works for you and your partner, you’ll know how to save your relationship.
My name is Melissa Smith Baker. I am a relationship teacher, author, and speaker. My
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