As I’ve said before, my definition of being codependent is when you’re not taking care of yourself. All people have times of codependence on some level at varying times in their lives. Look at the list below to help you assess where you stand as a codependent and begin to save your relationship. I’ve modified two lists that CODA (Codependents Anonymous) hands out.
Patterns of Denial
You can’t connect to your feelings.
You deny, change, or denigrate what you feel.
You think that you’re unselfish, devoted to the wellbeing of your partner.
Patterns of Low Self-Esteem
You can’t make decisions.
You judge yourself as not being good enough.
You don’t want to be praised or recognized.
You don’t want to express your needs or desires.
You value your partner’s opinions about you over what you think about yourself.
You don’t think you’re a lovable or worthwhile human being.
Patterns of Compliance
You compromise your own values and integrity to avoid anger or rejection from your partner.
You are so sensitive to your partner’s feelings that you take on his/her feelings as your own.
You are too loyal to your partner even when you are in danger.
You are afraid to express your feelings because they might be different and not approved of.
You do what your partner wants you to do instead of doing what you’d like to do.
You want love but you’ll accept sex without love.
Patterns of Control
You think your partner can’t take care of him/herself.
You tell your partner what he/she needs, thinks or feels.
You get resentful when your partner won’t let you help him or her.
You give your partner advice without being asked because you know better.
You go overboard with gifts to your partner
You use sex to get approval.
You have to be needed to have a relationship with your partner.
You can change any of the above descriptions of codependence, if you recognize it’s responsible for wreaking havoc in your life.
Then add “because” to the ending. For example, I think my partner can’t take care of him or herself because… Do a Quick-Write with this sentence completion. Set your timer for 2 minutes and see what is revealed to you through your writing.
Check out my next blog to know what your life looks like when you ARE taking care of yourself.