When couples talk about sexual desire, they are really talking about what it is to want and to be wanted. Do you feel wanted? Do you want your partner? These answers will help you learn how to answer your question: “How to save my relationship?”
Choosing your partner means wanting him/her, embracing the vulnerability of a monogamous choice, consciously saying “I want YOU!” on a regular basis, not just on your wedding day and honeymoon. Even if you’ve been in a committed relationship for 30 years, you may not be consciously choosing your partner.
In the movie, Hope Springs, Meryl Streep says to Tommy Lee Jones, her husband, that she wants him to make love to her with his eyes wide open. She wants him to not just want to have sex, but want to have sex with her. Wanting is very personal.
Desire often falls by the wayside in the midst of working and raising families. Even though couples feel the loss of wanting each other, they’re willing to sublimate their feelings in order to protect themselves from the pain of not getting. People don’t want to want and not get. Not wanting is a coping mechanism, but not a positive one. To rekindle the spark, couples will have to consciously want themselves and each other. This is how to save a relationship.
In a long-lived relationship, biological drive isn’t enough for a satisfying sex life. Orgasms are wonderful, but more is required in the long-run. What’s essential is cultivating who you are and becoming less self-protected. Only then, as a full and complete person, will you be able to bring YOU into the bedroom and choose your partner. A relationship doesn’t thrive unless both of you choose yourselves and each other – over and over again. Consciously choosing is how to save your relationship and the key to intimate sex.
Just because you’re married doesn’t automatically mean that you’ve chosen your partner. Remember — you can’t choose your partner unless you choose yourself first.
If you’ve been married for a long time, you’ll enjoy Hope Springs, a beautiful and refreshingly realistic movie.
My next blog is about eyes wide open sex.