Are you frustrated about poor communication – or lack of communication – in your relationship? Are you asking yourself, “Do I need better communication skills to learn how to save my relationship?”
You may think that you need more communication skills, but you already have them. Actually, you and your partner are communicating very well right now via words, actions, body language, intonation – even silence. You may not like what you are getting from your partner but the communication is there — loud and clear. Think about what you communicated today. Happiness? Resentment?
When you’re looking for ways to improve your relationship, don’t settle for memorizing lists of communication tips and idealized conversations. You won’t remember these in the heat of your next argument anyway. These won’t be the way to learn how to save a relationship.
What’s important is defining what communication is. Is your definition of good couples’ communication getting a response that you want and bad communication getting a response that you don’t want? If so, your relationship will look good on the outside but suffer on the inside.
The best communication in marriage is congruity from the inside out, being conscious of what you’re transmitting and understanding what you’re receiving. The illusory perfect response in just the “right” communication is not the ideal because it’s not real. You’ll only be able to know how to save your relationship if you get real.
Don’t try and change anything, just pay attention to the words you use, how you convey them, and your body language – even silence if you’d rather not talk. You have communication skills, but are you aware of what you are communicating?
This marriage cartoon is spot-on about communication; is it only what we want to hear? Read the caption on this blog – it says it all! (You can click on the cartoon to enlarge it).